Nearly every estate planning conversation eventually focuses on our clients' children, whether they're still minors or are grown and independent.

Nearly every estate planning conversation eventually focuses on the clients' children, whether they are still minors or are grown, established, and independent. When we advise families on estate planning, we first work to determine the clients' overall perspective about their children and what they feel are the children’s capabilities and limitations. Parental expectations and their evaluation of their child’s potential to meet those expectations often determine whether they decide to limit access to funds and how long those limitations should last.

For single parents with a minor child, the stakes are perhaps even higher. When one member of a couple dies or for some other reason just isn't around, the children generally do not have to leave their home, school, and community, but when a single parent dies, a child may leave that entire city to live with a relative or ex spouse, leaving behind familiar places and friends. Parents may be single for a variety of reasons — some are voluntarily so, while others may have been in a relationship with the other parent that ended through a breakup, divorce, or death.

Single-parent clients who have worked to build a healthy and supportive community for their children that primes them for successful relationships of their own are impressive. We often see some or all of these characteristics:

* The parent is committed to their children, spending large amounts of time with them and participating in or attending their activities.

* The parent has a supportive and established network of friends or family who share their commitment to their children’s welfare.

* The parent maintains an open, respectful line of communication with their children.

* The parent insists that the children respect and demand respect from the educators and influencers in their lives.

After we discuss a client’s children with them and understand their approach to those relationships, the next step is to learn about their support network and find out if there’s anyone who could serve in a formal capacity if needed. Often, the other parent also maintains some form of custody or scheduled visitation rights. One major factor in planning decisions is the client’s relationship with their ex and the way it ended.

Most clients feel that their child’s other parent is the best person to take over full custody in the event of incapacity or death. For other clients, this is an unacceptable situation, which means that their estate plan must be crafted with special care. In addition, they need a supportive network ready to advocate for the child.

The estate plan should include a Trust and a Trustee that will accept funds from the deceased parent’s estate, any retirement plan, IRA, and life insurance proceeds, and from any claim, judgment, or settlement that may be brought relative to the cause of the parent’s death. It is imperative that this Trust be in place so that any court that may be involved has an established basis to determine the deceased parent’s wishes and expectations for the children. The Trust tells the court who the deceased parent intends to carry out their wishes and who should continue to be an advocate and influence in the child’s life.

In addition:

* The Trust may name the child’s intended guardian, including any alternates, in the event that the surviving parent is denied custody or can’t serve for some reason.

* The Trust should outline in detail how its funds should be used, as well as the level of discretion the child may be given and when, and who should be involved in the child’s life.

* The Trust should clarify who has authorized visitation rights, including the right to keep the child for extended visits or to go on vacation.

* The Trust should outline who is allowed to advise or consent on major decisions in the child’s life, regarding schools, doctors, sports, and activities, and determine when it’s acceptable for the child to date, drive, or travel alone.

Although not all the terms in a Trust may be enforceable, they do give the parent a place to formalize their wishes. A Trust is the final legal method where a parent can give notice and instructions in their place.

A Trust can be drafted in countless ways. However, any single parent should be pondering these basic questions and be able to discuss them when they meet with their lawyer to draft their Trust:

* Who will be providing your child’s daily, weekly, or monthly after-school care or sitting? Who will prepare their meals, transport them to school and activities, and shop for them?

* Who is willing and able to take your child into their house and raise them? Who should have visitation rights? Who should help with decisions related to health care or school?

* How much money would your Trust ideally contain at your death? * Would your Trust’s primary purpose be paying for health care, for education, or providing general financial support?

* Would any Social Security or other monthly income be paid for your child? Who would be the payee?

This kind of planning is never easy. No matter what preparations you make, they will seem inadequate, because you, the parent, are irreplaceable. So, get past that thought and draw up the second-best scenario. Work with an experienced lawyer to create a Trust that will support that outcome. If you don’t put it all down in writing, the persons you will need to speak for you won’t know what to say.

If you have estate planning questions or if we can otherwise be of service to you, your family, friends, neighbors, or coworkers, give us a call at 253.858.5434 to set up an appointment today. We represent clients throughout Washington and Idaho and are available to meet in person, by phone, or via video conference.